my harry potter story
by fool's grape juce
Summary: what would you do if you recieved a birthday present from Voldie? turn it into chocolate of course!


Far away in a house that little knew of, a man, well person-thing, which little ever spoke of, lived. If you could call it living at all. There he sat in his little-sat-in-chair, devising his plans that took little planning. Unless you were a lizard of course, then it took a lot of thinking to do a lot of planning. "Aha, aha!" cried the lizard.. Er, person, I mean. "I've done it! I've devised a completely deadly, destructive, and completely impolite way to get Harry Potter into my traps, which by themselves are completely impolite and fluffy!" Yes! It was of course, none other then the devious Dark Lord Voldemort!!! He hasn't changed one bit from the last time we've seen him, as you can read. And that hasn't been to long in the ways of lizards. A chubby man came running in, suddenly. "You called for bon-bons, sire?" Wormtail was carrying a silver platter of chocolate frogs. "No, no, no. I said Aha, Aha!" Voldemort said, taking a chocolate frog from the platter and putting it under his hat. "I haven't enjoyed your breath since 34th street, Wormtail." Voldemort said, dusting off his hat. "Why, thank you, my lord, it's my new cologne, RATZ." "That's nice. As I was saying, I've devised a way to get Harry Potter into my extremely impolite traps!" he paused, "do you want to know what it is?" "Only if I can keep all my body parts this time." "Well, maybe I can make a few adjustments." Wormtail let out a breath that he hadn't been holding in. "Anyways, we will trap him, using," he pulled out something sneaky looking out of his robes, "this!" he ended dramatically. "No! No! Anything, anything at all, but that!" Wormtail shrieked. "Nothing else will work, peter." Since that was his name, that is what he called him when he got tired of using his nick name. What I often do when I forget that my sister's name is Marelyse, and not bookie. However, this story is not about my inability to remember my sister's name, it is about Harry Potter and the type of mishaps he will encounter as he tries to stay alive long enough to kiss Ginny (his best friend's kid sister. Although, no one knows that he likes her, except for the reader's of JK Rowling's work. Well, the readers who believe that they will end up together instead of someone like Parvati and Harry.) ok, back to the story. "I've tried to come up with equally impolite ways that will keep me from using this, but nothing will work. It's our only chance." "But, sire, surely, if you just, maybe-." Wormtail was cut off by Voldemort. "Fetch my clock, Wormtail. I'm going out to have some social interaction."  
  
O-O - isn't he cute? ^-^;;; it's supposed to be Harry!!!  
  
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, is a common saying when someone is trying to skip to a different place with different characters, and not actually meaning returning to a barn with cows. In this story, i am not talking about cows, but another place with different people. So, mean while, back at the ranch, which wasn't a ranch at all, but a castle called Hogwarts, there was a boy who lived known as The Boy Who Lived. His name was actually Harry Potter, and he was currently playing a game of chess with his best friend Ronald Weasley in their dormitory. "Ha! Check mate!!!" Ron said for the 5th time in 12 minutes. "Yeah, yeah, what else is new?" Harry sighed and moved to stand up. however, when he did stand up, he realized that it was completely useless to try and move. for at that moment, Ron had hurled himself at Harry's leg and was clutching it like his life depended on it. "NO HARRY! YOU CAN'T GO YET!!! I STILL HAVE TO BEAT MY OWN RECORD OF 3,000 WINS IN 7 HOURS!!!! WE'RE ONLY ON GAME 5!!!!" Harry realized then that Ron did not have a life. "Gerroff me! Ask Hermione to play!" he tried to shake him off, but it was no use. Ron wasn't going anywhere, "you let go before I start walking down the stairs and you hit your chin on the way down!" but Harry did not have a chance to fulfill his threat. For at that moment, there was a tap on the window. "Oh boy!!! There's a present attached to that bird! i hope it's for me!" Ron, in a burst of energy, jumped at the window and would have fallen out had Harry not grabbed on to his feet at the last second. Ron was pulled back in, and in his arms was a very annoyed looking crow. It was currently pecking Ron's ear, but Ron was too busy nuzzling the bird with his chin to notice. "Oh no, not again. I better get the stick." Harry had had a similar experience like this with Ron and realized that the only way to save the birds life was to pry Ron off with a stick. Almost 10 minutes later, the bird was freed, and the present was in a very sad looking Ron's arms. He was reading the tag on the front carefully. "You know what, mate? I think this present is for you." "What makes you think that?" Harry asked curiously. "Because it says TO: H.J.P. that means Harry James potter. And my initials are R. M. W." "M? What does the m stand for?" Harry shook the present carefully hoping it was another box of chocolate that Ginny had sent him anonymously. "Well, that doesn't really matter, so just op--" "What does the m stand for Ron? Don't make me get hermione!" "No!!! Not hermione!!!! Okay, okay, I'll tell you. But don't tell herm, okay?"\ "Wouldn't dream of it" "It's... *mummble mummble*" "I'm sorry, I didn't quit hear you. Mind repeating it?" "It's *mummbly mummbly* "Sorry, didn't catch that." "IT'S MURDLEBUG! OKAY? ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? CAN YOU REST AT NIGHT KNOWING THAT RONALD MURDLEBUG WEASLEY HAS THE NAME MURDLEBUG????!!!!! HUH? CAN YOU???!!!" "Okay, Ron, just settle down now. I never made fun of your name." Harry tried to look as sincere as he could, but the name murdlebug just kept resounding in his head, and he had to bite his tongue as hard as he could not to laugh. "Okay, let's just read the note." Harry peeled off the envelope and read these words out loud:  
  
"My dear friend Harry potter. I have sent you this most delightful present, which is not a bomb, in hopes that you will enjoy it as much as I did, while you can, even though it is not a bomb. Now this unbomish present needs to be opened immediately, preferably in a place that is filled with your most favorite people, including dumbledore. Now, you must remember that this is not a bomb. That is all. Love, your friend who is not watching you from the tallest tree in the forbidden forest at this moment. p.s. don't mind the ticking sound!"  
  
Harry looked at his friend. "Do you think it's a bomb?" "No! Of course not, it even said so in the letter. Just open it. Wait! Let's go to the common room first and let all our friends see it!" Ron said while picking feathers out of his hair and adding them to his collection. Suddenly the door burst open, and a figure behind a 10ft high stack of books emerged. "Hermione!"Ron shouted and latched onto hermione. However, hermione had pushed her stack of books in front of him, and he grabbed the books instead. "Is that why you always carry those things?" "Those are the obvious reasons. Harry, you mustn't open that present, it is a bomb." "No it's not, the letter said it wasn't." "Harry, every time you open your mouth, you prove yourself an idiot. Of course it is a bomb; everyone could hear the ticking down in the common room." Harry looked astonished. "Is that what that noise was?" "Yes, now, let me show off to you and the love-of-my-life-over-in-the- corner-but-he-doesn't-know-it-yet-boy nuzzling my books. I will transfigure this bomb into a box of chocolate. Stand back" she pushed Harry back. "bommbus chocolatus changeus pronto!" she waved her wand, and it was suddenly a box of chocolate. "Good job Hermy. Now, let's eat!" Harry was about to dig into the box of candy, but he was suddenly thrown to the side by a red head. No, it wasn't Ron, but Ginny! The love of Harry's life! "Harry! I was so afraid for your life! Here, have a necklace, it will keep you alive!" she threw a large strand of beads that were shaped like garlic bulbs around his neck. "Now, I must leave you, because I'm going out on a date to the trophy room with Colin! Goodbye!" "Well, that was odd." Harry said. "Don't worry, Harry, she likes you. I can tell." hermione said to the crestfallen boy next to her. "But she had a tattoo of Colin on her forehead." "She's in denial."  
  
Meanwhile back at the ranch which was really a tree, voldie was angry. "Darn. Darn. Darn. Darn. darn." he kept repeating over and over. Yup, his plan was spoiled yet again, darn that hermione granger, darn that Ronald Weasley, darn that Harry potter, and most of all, darn that Ginny Weasley who put that necklace on him protecting his life!!! Darn it all. 


End file.
